Friday, February 6, 2009

One Friday Morning..

02.06.09
07:oo am
QA stn

Herone: Whoaa!Raen where did u park your horse?
-- On raen wearing a white sexy dress & her i-love-it boots--

Raen: It's ...

Cookie: ( interrupting ) she has no horse. Just a unicorn over here.. (referring to NAZEL)






"In the sweetness of friendship let there be laughter, and sharing of pleasures." -- Kahil Gibran


Thursday, February 5, 2009

25 Random Things About Me!


25 Random Things About Me!



Rules: Once you've been tagged, you are supposed to write a note with 25 random things, facts, habits or goals about you. At the end, choose 25 people to be tagged. You have to tag the person who tagged you. If I tagged you, it's because I want to know more about you.

(To do this, go to the "notes" under tabs on your profile page, paste these instructions in the body of the note, type your 25 random things, tag 25 people (in the right hand corner of the app) then click publish.)

1.I don't eat carrots.

2. I had my girls 2 years in a row. I gave birth to bloom march 2005 and katrini on November 2006 ('talking about hard-working parents eh?)

3.I recently turned 28 and my mantra is: Looking great @ 28.. (ga rhyme pna ya). my birthday resolution as i put it is: Not to Think evil and Speak evil.. (be the lesser evil that I can be) wohoo!

4. I used to weigh 48 kgs and i'm inevitably growing every year (in all aspects) I'm frustrated everytime my pants and shirts 'shrink' cz it only means that my body expands.. grr

5.I was the Ms. LCC 8 years ago.

6. The voice on the answering machine of L'Fisher Hotel is mine. That's where i worked after i graduated from college.

7. I wear socks to bed and could not sleep without a blanket no matter how searing it is..

8. I don't cook but i fry.

9. I can't sustain a day without coffee. I breathe coffee.. My pee sometimes smells like coffee na.

10. My ultimate desire is to be a mutant.I wonder why i wasn't born one.

11. I believe that aliens exist and so as the presense of any other life form in the universe.

12. I strongly think that i'm a nymph in my past life. A divinity of nature dwelling in the mountains, forest or water ..not trees. haha

13. I was a title-holder 7 years ago and garnered the Ms. Smart and Ms. Photogenic award as well. hihi

14.I consider my involuntary remarks as brisk lucidity.

15.I realized that some of my intial judgements on people were never accurate and i never hesitate to change my line of sight once i figured .

16.I get sick if i cannot eat junk foods in a week. I 'm worst when i'm hungry.

17.It's been more than 4 years since i refrained myself from drinking cold water.

18. I still can't swim despite the two swimming lessons that i've had.

19.i did not take any formal driving lessons. Javin taught me so don't wonder why up to now i still can't park the car appropriately. haha

20.Reading is my passion. Alternative is music. Literature is LOVE. DVD marathon is Therapy

21.I took up BS Architecture during the 1st 2 years of my college life and graduated 2 years later with the Degree of Bachelor of Arts major In English.

22. I resent the fact that i can't say No or refuse any favors upfront from the people i care about that i sometimes end up being rueful for having wings and halo at birth.

23. I own a smart, globe and sun number.

24. I value friendship and relationship a lot. I don't care what you were and who you were before we met. Who doesn't have a skeleton in their closet? But I expect you to be honest with me cz i'll stand up for you no matter what. I hate broken promises. I don't like people who can't keep their words. I'm evil when provoked.I despise self-righteous ppl. I scorn women whose actions contradict their attitude.

25. People's first impression of me is always wrong. I'm not Ms. Prim & Proper. I only look sweet and innocent. I'm only half as snobbish as i look. I'm complicated and eccentric.

Friday, January 16, 2009

Butterfly Kisses..



February 18th, 2007


I was trying to download the song Butterfly Kisses on the net when my hubby accidentally downloaded the wrong song. The one he downloaded was a medley of Faith Hill’s Song with Jim Carlilse’s Butterfly Kisses. I was devastated at first coz it took us sometime to wait up, till the downloading is done, only to find out that it was the wrong song. I tried to recuperate to refrain my anger by just listening to the song instead, it turned out that I was caught and dazed by the lyrics of the song..


Daddy take me with you
I promise I’ll be good
Daddy, this is next time
And momma said I could.


Can’t help but suppress a tear while the song was playing.. you see I miss my father.. not that he’s gone.. Somehow he is.. Not from this world—though—but from us… I Miss Him Terribly…
Its been a while since I last saw his face.. he’s different now.. he’d been through an unfathomable dilemma, after going through a wits blow, His understanding was manipulated by those worthless and rubbish kith and kin for a reason that only their one-dimensional mind could ever understand. They turned Him away from His broods.. instilling absurdity in His feeble thinking. Their actions are awfully uncalled for.. It’s so sickening that it’s tearing me apart. Let God’s wraths assess their feat.
Sitting in the front seat riding down town
An ice cream cone
I’d wrap him around my little finger
Tighter then my baby could
You can make a tear go a long long way
When you’re daddy’s little girl


Human as he is.. He was never perfect. I had my doze of trivial objections from his rules then– (you know–teenagers!) from disapproving his actions– ( ‘always thought I’m right and everybody around me is wrong)– to nit-picking his advices which turned out to be substantial after all (‘only got hold of the grasp when I had my own kid).
Well he tightened my bike chain from 7 to 13
Taught me to drive when I was a wild thing
Reached and he prayed while I made some mistakes
That I wouldn’t have made if I’d have done it his way.



He never interfered with my decisions though, always calm and level-headed.. he just watches how I get out and survive from my missteps and would always be there ready for his lectures and sound advices.. He is admired by his restrained & ingenious composure.. He is Always the Upstanding Wall.

Now he hugs me when he sees me
We talk about the past
He tries to give me money
And I try and give it back.



I know I’ve made certain decisions and had my dose of failed experiments. I may never have been too verbal with how I was feeling but I know that he could sense my weariness and misery. No matter how I tried to act strong and appear tough with how cruel and deceiving life can sometimes be.. I can never wear a mask in front of him.. He knows.. He understands.. and He comforts.. He hauls over the coals at times (which irritates me as usual—that’s ME! Still trying to grasp the phrase ‘REALITY BITESJ ) but hey.. I know I needed it!
He’s a book of advice
More then I need
The look in his eyes is saying to me
Let me help you all I can
While I’m still in this world
What will you do when you’re daddy’s gone
And you’re daddy’s little girl
.

Now, as I go through confounding with the complexities of life, I came to realize that the past is gone. It’s history. We can’t undo what’s been done. Nor can we explain it all. I am just looking forward for everything to fall on its right plane again. I hope for complete appeasement, for clarity, I yearn for the far-reaching solace of having them beside me again.. The nearness of my family.. of not being alone.. The cranky jokes that we used to share and conspire.. The pride I see in his eyes every time he sees me with my own little brood.. The friendship..
Somewhere.. Somehow.. Amidst all these I know deep inside his clouded heart and poisoned mind there’s still a nudge of his real old self within him. In God’s time.. All will be well… In God’s Time

Keep the music playing ..


' Butterfly Kisses .. '.
  1. Abigail said,

    on March 4th, 2007 at 8:59 am
    I was holding back tears while I was reading this. I had no idea you were going through such difficult times. Sometimes, I get into this zone when times are rough, that what I’m going through is so enormous that the whole world just cannot comprehend. And then, I read and hear stories like yours and it brings to me realize that what I am going through is so little compared to whats out there. I can be such a drama queen sometimes (as you know). That said, I just want to let you know how I admire your strength and courage. You have been my very best friend since Prep. Distance would never change that. Although it breaks my heart knowing that at times when your battling a storm, I cant be there.
    Just know that you’re always in my heart and that I treasure your friendship.
    BFF, Abby
  2. JaMeSTiPsYyy said,

    on May 5th, 2007 at 10:20 am
    “it doesn’t rain all the time…the sky won’t fall forever”. thats what i always say to myself. we never loose the people that we love if we have them always in out hearts…they never fade away as long as memories still exist..but we cannot rule out that some of the sweetest memories, are the ones that are painful at the same time…as we yearn for those we miss.
  3. Michael said,

    on December 15th, 2007 at 8:10 am
    Pretty neat writing!
    “one-dimensional mind”?
    ehehehe ~_~; nice one =P
    Overall comment: Try writing a book? ^_^

Everybody’s Free (To Wear Sunscreen)

March 13th, 2007
Posted by cookiesanicas

Ladies and Gentlemen of the class of ’99
If I could offer you only one tip for the
future, sunscreen would be it.
The long term benefits of sunscreen have
been proved by scientists
Whereas, the rest of my advice has no basis
more reliable than my own meandering experience…
I will dispense this advice now.

Enjoy
the power and beauty of your youth
;

Oh! Nevermind; you will not understand the
power and beauty of your youth
until they have faded.
But trust me, in 20 years you’ll look back at photos of yourself and
recall in a way you can’t grasp now how much possibility lay before you
and how fabulous you really looked….
You’re
not as fat as you imagine.

Don’t worry about the future; or worry,
but know that worrying is as effective as
trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing bubblegum.
The
real troubles in your life are apt to be things that never crossed your worried
mind
;
The kind that blindside you at 4pm on some
idle Tuesday.
Do one
thing everyday that scares you. Sing.
Don’t be reckless with other people’s
hearts, don’t put up with people who are reckless with yours.


Floss. Don’t
waste your time on jealousy
; sometimes you’re ahead,
Sometimes you’re behind…the race is long,
and in the end, it’s only with yourself.
Remember
the compliments you receive, forget the insults;

If you succeed in doing this, tell me how.
Keep your old love letters, throw away your old bank statements.

Stretch.
Don’t feel guilty if you don’t know what you want to do with your life…
The most interesting people I know didn’t
know at 22 what they wanted to do with their lives,
some of the most interesting 40 year olds I
know still don’t.
Get plenty of calcium. Be kind to your
knees, you’ll miss them when they’re gone.

Maybe you’ll marry, maybe you won’t, maybe
you’ll have children,
Maybe you won’t, maybe you’ll divorce at 40,

Maybe you’ll dance the funky chicken on your
75th wedding anniversary…
what ever you do, don’t congratulate
yourself too much or berate yourself either –
your choices
are half chance, so are everybody else’s
.

Enjoy your body, use it every way you can…don’t be afraid of it,
or what other people think of it, it’s the greatest instrument you’ll ever own..
Dance…even if you have nowhere to do it but
in your own living room.

Read the directions, even if you don’t
follow them.

Do NOT
read beauty magazines, they will only make you feel ugly
.

Get to know your parents, you never know
when they’ll be gone for good.
Be nice to your siblings; they are the
best link to your past and
the people most likely to stick with you
in the future.

Understand
that friends come and go, But for the precious few you should hold on.

Work hard to bridge the gaps in geography
and lifestyle
because the older you get, the more you need
the people you knew when you were young.
Live in
New York City
once, but leave before it makes you hard;
Live in Northern California once,

but leave before it makes you soft.

Travel. Accept certain
inalienable truths, prices will rise,

Politicians will philander, you too will get
old, and when you do you’ll fantasize
that when you were young prices were reasonable, politicians were noble and
children respected their elders.
Respect your elders.
Don’t expect anyone else to support you.
Maybe you have a trust fund, maybe you have
a wealthy spouse;
but you
never know when either one might run out.
Don’t mess too much with your hair, or by the time you’re 40, it will look 85.
Be careful whose advice you buy, but, be
patient with those who supply it.
Advice is a form of nostalgia, dispensing it
is a way of fishing the past from the disposal,
wiping it off, painting over the ugly parts
and recycling it for more than it’s worth
.
But trust me on the sunscreen…


*********************
This is the new Desiderata..
So much for hypocrisy..
I so agree on this one..
OMG! I didn’t have a clue who Baz Luhrmann is at first..
But hey, he’s just the man who directed my all time favorite movie "Moulin Rouge’
and god, I’m beginning to ADORE this GUY!
..and the voice.. (Stimulating?)


3 Responses to ' Everybody’s Free (To Wear Sunscreen) '


  1. JaMeSTiPsYyy said,

    on May 5th, 2007 at 10:04 am
    still haven’t lost your touch in expressing yourself and yes..sunscreen is your best friend
  2. Michael said,

    on December 15th, 2007 at 7:57 am
    ~_~; I’ve read down till the end. Heard & seen some parts of it before.I just couldn’t recall when nor where. . . (?)
    I like though ^_^
  3. janrae said,

    on January 27th, 2008 at 6:58 am
    it’s a song from Baz Luhrmann miickey,, hehe
    I’m sure you’ve heard of it..
    yes, i’m sure!

Humor me… Will you?


February 18th, 2007


Posted by cookiesanicas


As the break of dawn approaches and the split of the New Year come about within reach, I sat in front of my laptop, with earsplitting and lurid blasts of noise surrounding me, trying to bring to mind the year that has been. I come up for air to whisper a silent hope for a better year ahead.. A year with lesser pains, lesser deceptions, lesser lies and, most of all, lesser complexities.


The past year has not been a good one to me. At the end of the first month of the year, an appalling news came about that started it all. Something happened, The Upstanding Wall is in for an unfathomable dilemma, He’d been through a wits blow, God, how hard it had been for all of us.. I was devastated, broken and thrown. What worsens the situation was the fact that His understanding was manipulated by those worthless and rubbish kith and kin for a reason that only their one-dimensional mind could ever understand. They turned Him away from His broods.. instilling absurdity in His feeble thinking. Their actions are awfully uncalled for.. It’s so sickening that it’s tearing me apart. Well, Let God’s wraths assess their feat.
On the contrary, matters weren’t over and done with. I had to make the most crucial decision with regard to my profession. I had to choose between keeping my well-loved job and being with my family. The thing is, dear hubby was transferred back here at such a short notice, and the thing that aggravated and goaded my senses even more was the exasperating point that my request for lateral transfer was taking ages to transpire. Thanks to the iniquity and foul circumstance that I was battling with my egotistical, dim-witted and imperceptive station officer back in Iloilo … Ohhhh… ‘hate her stinking guts!.
It wasn’t an easy decision to begin with, I had to battle with my self for countless of times, considering that I have thousands of things to mull over. It was more of a choice between keeping my independence monetary-wise from my husband ( I don’t wanna depend from my hubby’s reserves if there’s any) and being alone in the City of Love and endure being estranged from my daughter. Weekly trips to and fro became strenuous and pricey. In a subdued manner, changes came hard to fiddle with. Another bombshell that hit me hard was when we found out that we have a new addition on the way.. (what’s worst than that?) Not that I rail against having it, it’s just because of the growing fact that it was so damn UNTIMELY! Talking about going through a storm? Well it’s not just any storm for me man, it is a Thunderstorm! Just think about all the upshots that I have to deal with. It’s one hell of a predicament. Decisions must be made.
And so it came to pass that I was inevitably putting up with what I decided on. Matters weren’t easy to deal and endure with. Ironically, Time was too slow and yet
too fast for me to catch on. I was drifting into oblivion.. I was down in the dumps.. feeling lonely, depressed and at a loss. Emptiness settled, it seemed to me that there was always a vacuum longed to be filled. I felt robbed off with the life that I used to have… Flawed yet bearable.. Complex yet simple… heartrending yet in good spirits. I was enforced to face this dilemma with not much of a choice but to pull through. It took the best of me.. the best I ever had.
Now, I can never say that things are well. For Puzzles remain unsolved. Mysteries stay unraveled. Barriers persist to be untangled. I have nothing left but the hope that one day every turn of this intricate labyrinth will soon be traveled and surpassed. Armed with my longing to go beyond this test of faith and strength I succumb, but not for long, I know I may never understand why I had to go through this adversity, nor may I ever identify, with any logical reason, why I have to put up with this ordeal. Perhaps only time can tell and yes, Only Time can heal.
I pray for Patience, some things are worth waiting for, it would keep me unruffled. I seek for Perseverance it would give me the strength of mind to carry on. As they say 2007 is going to be a great year for everybody.. (Are they trying to pull my leg?) Well, it wouldn’t hurt me to hope right? I guess I’ll just buy that thought for the moment … for the time being.. I’ll just be here.. Hanging by a moment!
Life is beautiful.. it must be! It may not be most of the time but God sees the bigger picture.. Hold on.. Keep the faith.. Carpe Diem!

Humor me.. Will you?

Thursday, January 15, 2009

When All The Laughters Died




     It’s quite odd when you wake up one morning and you came to grasp the spasms of reality that life indeed is a one hell of a big hoax.. Full of complexities, deceptions, pains, regrets and not to mention the added adversities that it brings to spice it up even more (phew!).

     Gone were the days when I was the typical radical teenage drama queen, who always tries to make a fuss about anything, from the way things are running,
with how certain I am that life will be better when I’m finally out to live out my dreams. I was so sure of the promise of life’s beauty then that I was having the itch into living my dream and sally forth to where I wanted to be..

     I was the impetuous and the reckless person that I am, fate was so kind then, and I was in for a complete ennui. Things were so trouble-free; Pursuits were so effortless, Plans were definitely all uncomplicated.

     It finally came to me that at length I was living the life that I’ve wanted. I was so carefree with the boundless happiness that I’ve gotten hold of. Decisions were made, muddled preferences took hold and at such a short notice everything starts to fall down the drain..

     Things that I haven’t appreciated much then turned out to be the things that I’m longing so much now.. The completeness and the wholeness of my family is one thing. What used to be a not-so-perfect bond but a happy and comforting atmosphere, that at times irritated my sense of eccentricity, was the one thing that I solely miss..So much that I’d give anything if there’s an only way to breathe life into that moment.

     In a matter of four years, life changed gradually and drastically. Steadily, we were growing far from each other.. Physically. and at a snail’s pace….Emotionally…
The Unwavering Light journeyed to a far-flung
land in pursuit of a bigger hope, The Compelling brood came to toil in a not so distant realm in quest for independence, The Supple and Cunning o
ne was given the stroke of luck to set eyes on the so-called-bigger hope with The Unwavering Light, The Upstanding Wall hang about with the two remaining broods, The Clever Ripened Shrew and The Little Sagacious One.

Each has his own yarn to weave, own battle to fight, specific war to win and a special race to contend. For in every chase of strong wind comes the storm, and for
every storm comes the subtle obliteration of the strong binding force… for it is how the rainwater starts to seep through the peg of the strong binding force ,and started to weaken the link between the beams ,that provoked it all…

The Unwavering Light and The Supple and Cunning One are still seizing the promise of a bigger hope.. Though Life hasn’t been on cloud nine for them, they’re still pulling through..digging up strength from each other and from the yearning of being whole again with the rest of the fraction.

The Clever Ripened Shrew and The Little Sagacious One are now in place in the land of the promise.. Who would ever think that The Clever Ripened Shrew would turn out to be the most steadfast brood beyond this entire ordeal? To think that The Little Sagacious One is under Her care aside from Her own progeny to take care of… indeed She’s ripened after all.

The Upstanding Wall is in for an unfathomable dilemma, after going through a wits blow, His understanding was manipulated by those worthless and rubbish kith and kin for a reason that only their one-dimensional mind could ever understand. They turned Him away from His broods.. instilling absurdity in His feeble thinking. Their actions are awfully uncalled for.. It’s so sickening that it’s tearing me apart. Let God’s wraths assess their feat.

Of what became of The Compelling One, is what I’m going to recount next.. for the meantime, let me disclose this to you..

The Winning Horse doesn’t know why it runs a Race
It runs because of the whip and pain.
Life is like a Race, if you are in pain
Then clearly, God wants You to win…

So you see, this entire mishap is just A Temporary Setback.. A Momentary Loss.. and till then… The Compelling One shall remain.. struggling and resilient… and still trying hard to understand ...
When It Was When All The Laughters Died…..



**content still brings tears to my eyes..

Once A Princess


February 18th, 2007

Once A Princess

Posted by cookiesanicas


She stares blankly at the wall
each day
Seeing nothing but emptiness
and sorrow

Her eyes are as gray as the
shade of ashes
Revealing something so deep

and overpowering.

She is trapped in her own
world of fantasy,

A castle, whose walls are
waning tremendously,
A swept of memory embraces her

own fragility,
Of a life once lived. Idyllic

and in tranquility.

The child keeps on crying and whimpering
The reverberation so deafening and infuriating,
Within her most frail gestures the sound’s recurring
Her complete senses are all but declining.


Boiling every drops of sanity
in her blood
A damp of cold rushed and enveloped
her whole being,
Awakening each suppressed

emotions…
Growing, confounding and, too compelling

Images permeates through the
deepest recesses of her troubled mind,
Gravely trying to understand

the dilemma that binds,
All the muddled mess that
encompasses her soul
Yet nothing, not even the gods
can undo the odds
Trapped, ensnared and forever
a prisoner in such a predicament so hard.

Gathering all the audacity
that her feeble mind can muster,
She stepped out of her lonely

shack--
Lit a cigarette and puffed in wonder..
Along the stinking aroma of
tobacco that she could ever breathe out--
Her troubles are slowly

deserting
Soothing.. relaxing.. and yes,
calming.

For in this lowly luxury alone

can she find complete serenity,
All the power to recapture the

senses and her very sanity.
Slowly, as utterly as it
overcame her senses,
She gathered all of her
totality, and fair enough,

She managed.. yes indeed, she managed.

It was all she needed, a
breath of fresh air..

For in her deepest collection
of suppressed sensitivity,
Beneath the overpowering

emotions she is heavily hurdling,
There lies a defeated shadow
of a heart that is truly hurting.


And as she took the little one
and cradled her back in her arms,
She battled the building 
emotion that is steadily seeping wide & far,

As she rocks back n forth for
sleep to befall,


Remembering,...

Recollecting...

That’s when a vision of smoke
snowed under her eyes.
Recalling... but, refusing...

That once upon her life, she was Once A Princess ... after all.







Ode To A Princess..



One Response to ' Once A Princess '

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  1. Michael said,

    on February 20th, 2007 at 8:10 am
    Wow. . .
    Would somebody please throw a dictionary at me?
    (ok, don’t aim it on my head, i meant to catch it, sheesh ~_~;)
    hullo ^_^ since i you can’t comment on my blog, i’ll comment on yours =D
    (life is fair, ain’t it? =P)
    Smokin’ princess =P
    Sweet poetry,
    thoughts & emotions carried nicely ;-)


**content: .... and as i've said, i'm moving forward.. so redirecting all entries to this site.. :)

in a deeper sense of stupidity--- You belong


It's funny how one can be showered with too much burden at a time. One can do nothing but question his fate. Was it really fate that's all to be blamed? or everything would account to our wrong moves and decisions made?. Can it be blamed to those who surround us or simply to those whom we willingly allow our world to revolve on to.

We can all be bound by our dreams that are lurking off the desired and intended path. Frustration comes in and regret takes it's course in playing with all the "what if's" we can utterly muster.

I hate pampering unresolved emotions and giving in to useless wiles of an unworthy beast,

Before you give in to your worthless rantings, try to know the whole side of the story . It can help you look less stupid,

Before you act like a God, try looking at the mirror, you think it would please the whole race if everyone is likened to your despicable image?

Think again.


You may be my most favorite person now and be the worst and despised being the next.
My patience is tried up to the very end of its sense.
I value you,, but not now
I want to keep you.. but for now you're better off as you are.

Go find yourself. You might come into your shallow senses that you are just living in a short-lived dream

Note: writer is fed up.To deal with a difficult and troubled person is just as complicated as it seems.

Nobody's a hero and I never intended to be one!


Tags:


*and now i'm relenlessly feeling agitated..

In Complete Ennui

In Complete Ennui

  • Dec. 20th, 2008 at 2:47 AM

saturday. 12/20/08. work.

i'm currently at work. Fighting sleep and getting grumpy and cranky every minute, It's taking me more than an hour to evaluate an 18 minute call. beat THAT!

I'm getting hungry and i feel the need to drive at Shell station and feast on their yummy burger..

Issue: Don't have anyone to accompany me, It's everybody's day off (friends) SAD
It's 2:58 am and i don't feel safe driving alone (chicken!)
Resolution: N/A


now what?!

it's either you go and be a fool to be full..
or settle for an inviting stick of marlboro red?!

it's your choice ladies choice..

RANDOM!

note: writer is slightly going through a burn-out --from --work syndrome. (made up?!) getting ticked of this midnite shift!

gtg, i must suffice my need to take a breath of fresh air (and i mean-- smoking!)

Tags:



-posting my previous blog from life journal.. (new relocation site:lipat -bahay)