Butterfly Kisses..

February 18th, 2007

I was trying to download the song Butterfly Kisses on the net when my hubby accidentally downloaded the wrong song. The one he downloaded was a medley of Faith Hill’s Song with Jim Carlilse’s Butterfly Kisses. I was devastated at first coz it took us sometime to wait up, till the downloading is done, only to find out that it was the wrong song. I tried to recuperate to refrain my anger by just listening to the song instead, it turned out that I was caught and dazed by the lyrics of the song..

Daddy take me with you
I promise I’ll be good
Daddy, this is next time
And momma said I could.

Can’t help but suppress a tear while the song was playing.. you see I miss my father.. not that he’s gone.. Somehow he is.. Not from this world—though—but from us… I Miss Him Terribly…

Its been a while since I last saw his face.. he’s different now.. he’d been through an unfathomable dilemma, after going through a wits blow, His understanding was manipulated by those worthless and rubbish kith and kin for a reason that only their one-dimensional mind could ever understand. They turned Him away from His broods.. instilling absurdity in His feeble thinking. Their actions are awfully uncalled for.. It’s so sickening that it’s tearing me apart. Let God’s wraths assess their feat.

Sitting in the front seat riding down town
An ice cream cone
I’d wrap him around my little finger
Tighter then my baby could
You can make a tear go a long long way
When you’re daddy’s little girl

Human as he is.. He was never perfect. I had my doze of trivial objections from his rules then– (you know–teenagers!) from disapproving his actions– ( ‘always thought I’m right and everybody around me is wrong)– to nit-picking his advices which turned out to be substantial after all (‘only got hold of the grasp when I had my own kid).

Well he tightened my bike chain from 7 to 13
Taught me to drive when I was a wild thing
Reached and he prayed while I made some mistakes
That I wouldn’t have made if I’d have done it his way.

He never interfered with my decisions though, always calm and level-headed.. he just watches how I get out and survive from my missteps and would always be there ready for his lectures and sound advices.. He is admired by his restrained & ingenious composure.. He is Always the Upstanding Wall.

Now he hugs me when he sees me
We talk about the past
He tries to give me money
And I try and give it back.

I know I’ve made certain decisions and had my dose of failed experiments. I may never have been too verbal with how I was feeling but I know that he could sense my weariness and misery. No matter how I tried to act strong and appear tough with how cruel and deceiving life can sometimes be.. I can never wear a mask in front of him.. He knows.. He understands.. and He comforts.. He hauls over the coals at times (which irritates me as usual—that’s ME! Still trying to grasp the phrase ‘REALITY BITES” J ) but hey.. I know I needed it!

He’s a book of advice
More then I need
The look in his eyes is saying to me
Let me help you all I can
While I’m still in this world
What will you do when you’re daddy’s gone
And you’re daddy’s little girl

.

Now, as I go through confounding with the complexities of life, I came to realize that the past is gone. It’s history. We can’t undo what’s been done. Nor can we explain it all. I am just looking forward for everything to fall on its right plane again. I hope for complete appeasement, for clarity, I yearn for the far-reaching solace of having them beside me again.. The nearness of my family.. of not being alone.. The cranky jokes that we used to share and conspire.. The pride I see in his eyes every time he sees me with my own little brood.. The friendship..

Somewhere.. Somehow.. Amidst all these I know deep inside his clouded heart and poisoned mind there’s still a nudge of his real old self within him. In God’s time.. All will be well… In God’s Time

Listen to the song.. click here !

Keep the music playing ..

' Butterfly Kisses .. '.

1. Abigail said,
   
   
   on March 4th, 2007 at 8:59 am
   I was holding back tears while I was reading this. I had no idea you were going through such difficult times. Sometimes, I get into this zone when times are rough, that what I’m going through is so enormous that the whole world just cannot comprehend. And then, I read and hear stories like yours and it brings to me realize that what I am going through is so little compared to whats out there. I can be such a drama queen sometimes (as you know). That said, I just want to let you know how I admire your strength and courage. You have been my very best friend since Prep. Distance would never change that. Although it breaks my heart knowing that at times when your battling a storm, I cant be there.
   Just know that you’re always in my heart and that I treasure your friendship.
   BFF, Abby
   
2. JaMeSTiPsYyy said,
   
   
   on May 5th, 2007 at 10:20 am
   “it doesn’t rain all the time…the sky won’t fall forever”. thats what i always say to myself. we never loose the people that we love if we have them always in out hearts…they never fade away as long as memories still exist..but we cannot rule out that some of the sweetest memories, are the ones that are painful at the same time…as we yearn for those we miss.
3. Michael said,
   
   
   on December 15th, 2007 at 8:10 am
   Pretty neat writing!
   “one-dimensional mind”?
   ehehehe ~_~; nice one =P
   Overall comment: Try writing a book? ^_^